A Rolling...Block

They (yes, the 'they' we all take heed of and yet can't seem to really figure out the identities of) say that a rolling stone gathers no moss. Keep thinking and working, innovating and allowing your creative juices to flow, and your cognitive skills won't ever get rusty (or mossy, so to speak).

Just a few days ago, I turned 21. Yes, I made it. Leaped over the last barrier excluding me from the rest of adult society in the United States. This is usually the point at which a normal college student would create a drinks list, grab a permanent marker, and be marched into a series of bars, as what little consciousness remaining after a hard pre-game slips away, to be fed 21 shots at all costs.

Thankfully, having spent the last semester in Sweden and getting used to social drinking, working in a bar, and otherwise spending copious amounts of time around alcohol, I was not nearly as thrilled with this 21 shots prospect as society dictated I ought to be. So, instead of an all-out, blackout, getting-kicked-out, throw-up-then-curl-up, and hug-the-toilet kind of night, 8 of us spent the night together for a lovely dinner at Colors, then did a little tour around downtown.

We trekked over to Holly's NYU dormitory so she could grab the remainder of some decent and some not-so-decent alcohol, then headed over to Gold Street to hang out on the roof of Jon's building. The view from up there was absolutely beautiful, not to mention the roof itself which was incredibly lovely. With Jon staying behind, we headed off to buy a few 6-packs, said a temporary farewell to Holly, and wandered over to South Street Seaport.

Best way to ring in midnight of your birthday? Running around looking for the toilet, finding it, then running back for hugs, kisses, and lots of love.

Kevin and Sarah then peel off from the group, leaving Hudson, Tyler, Raph, and myself to go over to Saint Mark's Place and meet up with Holly again. A cone of fries, a few drinks and attempted bar entry (I say attempted because poor Raph was still 20 and the bouncer wouldn't let him slide) later, we end up at a Japanese noodle house.

The night winds down and a few blocks later, we part ways and thus ends the peaceful and extremely satisfying first hours of my 21st year.

Now, what is the reason for the title of this post?

I was thinking about how as we get older, it's important to keep in mind that the constant use of a skill, the "rolling stone," keeps it from growing moss...sticking, and in the sense of a skill, stagnating.

But you know, life is like that too. You need to keep going no matter what small pebbles are chipped off of you, no matter what puddles of mud try to slow you down. Life is like that- an endless, sloped plane with any number of difficulties tossed in the path of your rolling. Some obstacles are so difficult to get over, but I've realized that sometimes the hardest aren't always external.

We build a lot of our own obstacles and I think one of those is age. At my age, I could still be considered a growing individual. I don't feel that I'm at my intellectual prime yet because I know so little about the world and the professional arena. But what happens when you have gone past your prime and each year that rolls by you is one you want to hold on to?

I got a taste of this feeling recently. It's not that I don't want to be 21, but I just feel that it's unnecessary to be 21 at all. What benefit does this numerical age offer me? Age feels like a burden; as if I was a rolling stone that had been turned into a rolling block. Each flat side was the span of a year and the effort of turning over that corner onto the next flat side was the equivalent effort needed to keep dragging oneself forward through the rigors of everyday life with the knowledge that you were 365 days older than when you last counted.

The very thought of this has depressed me all over again.

Recently I have been feeling more like a block than a round boulder, but I suspect this might be caused by a lack of employment offering monetary rewards, the swiftly-arriving end of my college career, and the sharp realization of what expectations I've met, yet to live up to, and have already failed.

With the advent of the school year, however, I am confident that the familiar rhythms of academia can allay my fears, build up my store of knowledge and self-assurance, and give me the what it takes to turn my angular form and irregular rolling into something smoother and rounder that can speed forward with a greater sense of purpose.

Dissatisfaction

I wonder how it is that someone who has attended one of the best middle and high schools in the country, gone on to an Ivy league school, and had such an amazing semester abroad can still have achieved so little and be such a failure.

Cyber Century: Rise of the Coward

It has recently come to my attention that the use of anonymity online is extending past its boundaries of "detached news story" to "my Facebook news feed." (On a side note, "Facebook" is not noted to be spelled incorrectly by my spell check function, but "facebook" is, haha.)

I'm talking about formspring.me.

Usually, this wouldn't bother me too much. I would normally attribute such things to stupid and short-lived trends in the web-savvy population, but after seeing so many formspring.me accounts springing up on my Facebook news feed, I got to wondering how such things develop and what it means about the general mentality of the users. Because it is so easy to stay anonymous now, specifically in reference to these online accounts, what does that mean about people today?

Could it be we are staying anonymous so we can ask genuinely interesting questions without having to remain excessively PC as society dictates we ought to be? That may not be a bad thing at all. Often the media blows delicate situations out of proportion, using a speaker's lack of political correctness as an excuse to create rifts in society and stir up situations that benefit no one but the media outlet's bottom line. Anonymity has also been beneficial in terms of allowing bloggers and political dissidents to spread awareness of governmental corruption or certain types of sensitive information.

However, I know everyone who is reading this is also very well aware of what damage such anonymity can cause. Cyber bullying is one such example. In March of this year, a 17 year old girl committed suicide because of anonymous abusive comments left on her formspring account. So what does this mean?

I'm not too sure, actually. I'm tempted to think that this type of freedom is more detrimental than constructive and fosters the growth of an entire generation of adolescent cowards. It isn't my intention to sound high and mighty, swinging the torch of truth and pretending to be self righteous, but I want to really take a look at what the use of anonymous user websites and platforms are doing, or rather, have done.

As it was the rise of formspring.me that brought this to my attention, I will use it as my core example. Of course there are countless other examples, such as Facebook's "Honesty box" application or even the use of instant messaging accounts on AIM, but it would be redundant to address each one separately, not to mention exhausting and nearly impossible.

A few of my friends have used created formspring accounts, linked them to their Facebook profiles, and shared the link with everyone. From looking at these accounts and what questions people have posted, I can't say that I have been particularly impressed with what is going on. There is the usual playful banter between friends who can be easily identified by a unique typing style, trivial questions about random events, and other unremarkable comments. Not a big deal, but I see no reason for this platform to exist if anonymity isn't necessary for this type of communication to begin with. The argument for amusement can be made, and I'll accept that, but I'm simply saying that the anonymity isn't lending anything to the user experience.

Questions like "What do you want in a partner" however, really are troublesome.

First of all, if you are an individual who is interested in another person, wouldn't it be best to understand what kind of person they are attracted to by, dare I say, getting to know them? Second, even after knowing what this individual wants in a significant other, would you go through the effort of changing yourself to fit that ideal before getting to know them? What many people treasure about relationships includes the process of changing together and knowing someone's "before" and "after" tendencies. Third, whatever happened to manning up (this applies to girls too) and saying these things face to face?

There is nothing wrong with a lack of confidence, but I feel there is a difference between being shy and a coward.

On the flip side, what can be said about people who create formspring accounts intending to share parts of themselves that actually hold substance and value as opposed to those who do it simply for the amusement factor?

I truly don't know what to say about this. On one hand it's somewhat awkward, because what it means is that there are friends you have who don't feel comfortable enough with you to ask certain questions. I wonder, isn't feeling comfortable with another individual the basis for forming a friendship with them? I understand there are definitely some questions you would not ask, but if this person wants to tell you, don't you think they'd tell you when they feel ready?

It's very interesting how the internet changes the way we think and act around each other. I wish there was a way to compare social interactions from the beginning of modern man's evolution until the present.

I need a better background in psychology than AP Psych and Psych 101 with Prof. Maas.

ZIMBARDO!

Home, (Sweet?) Home

I've just completed my first full day back in the good old U.S. of A. and how strange it is!

After getting a ride to the airport (tack, Filip!) and jumping on my plane, the shock of leaving Sweden finally set in. Of course, I was sad about leaving Uppsala and was close to tears a few times but really the idea of not seeing them again for years, maybe forever in some cases, didn't hit home until I was in my seat and starting to zone out during the safety videos.

Where will everyone be when I have enough money and the time to go back? Will we stay close enough for me to come back to see them? How long can a close friendship last without real physical and face-to-face contact?

I had so many questions floating around in my head that the level of certainty I left Uppsala with regarding how well I could maintain these friendships began to crumble. However, actually landing in Newark and settling back into New York has had the relatively interesting effect of soothing my anxiety and increasing my desire to go back.

On the plane, I also made friends with the guy sitting next to me, Mark, and his brother. They were heading to NYC from Stockholm for a 4 day vacation with their father. Interestingly, this Swede was very open and talkative from the start-- not very usual because the norm in Sweden is that you don't start a conversation with someone if you don't know them. Perhaps our conversation was instigated by the fact that he knew I was American. Curious. Chatting with him made the otherwise uneventful trip quite enjoyable.

Upon landing, Mark and his brother craned their necks to see out the windows and remarked on how different the skyline was as compared with their native Stockholm. That was definitely something I noticed when I traveled in Europe too-- the skylines are older with beautifully engineered structures which may not be as tall as our skyscrapers, but make up for height in grace and age.

When I left the airport with my parents I really saw how many large vehicles there were on the streets and was appalled at the sheer waste of it all. Who in the world needs an SUV when they live in the city? It's understandable if you have a job involving construction or if you have a trailer you need to pull around, but really what is the use of a gas guzzling monster if it isn't necessary?

A confession: I am a judgmental person. I was at my worst in the middle school years, steadily became less judgmental from senior year onwards, then toppled back down again after returning from Sweden. I think I've become more critical of the American lifestyle since coming back and the reverse culture shock has made it worse. When you get a glimpse of something closer to your ideal, it's harder to go back.

Being home is nice though. The house has the smell of spring nestled in every corner, my rabbit is still alive, my cactus is thriving, and I have all the Asian food I could ever eat. I have my loving family, friends who are working in the city this summer, and a wonderful boyfriend to come back to.

Some things have changed though, and not really for the better. My maternal grandparents have had some issues with their health and I think this has really taken a toll on them as well as my family. My grandmother has become especially snippy and often scolds my grandfather for minor things or nothing at all. Mounting tensions in their overcrowded home (my uncle and his family live there too) has also affected the overall health of everyone involved. Even my little sister who was so eager to stay close to home for college now can't wait to leave.

Usually there isn't much anyone can do in this type of situation, but I'm glad to be home so at least I can buffer the sharp edges of my grandmother's tongue. Apparently, as she told me this evening, she likes just hearing my voice so anytime she gets angry or annoyed, so long as I am there I can talk to her and calm her down. This at least takes some of my worry away from her blood pressure.

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On another note, here's a cool article Sarah showed me about parental leave in Sweden:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/10/world/europe/10iht-sweden.html?src=me&ref=general

I admit to checking out some of the young fathers out on daddy dates. Who knew a stroller and cute baby could be the best accessory a man could have?