The Importance of Connection

It seems to me that I've really learned about the importance of connection here and also what it means to win your way into someone who you've only known a few weeks' affections.

I'll talk about the second point first since it's more recent.

Swedes are supposed to be very open people who are willing to talk to you when you have questions or need help, but if you're trying to become friends with them, it will be very difficult to get close. However once you manage to work your way into their inner circle, it is said you will have a friend for life-- that's just how Swedes are.

I've known this from the start so I've made an effort to get close with my flatmates by talking to them whenever we meet in the kitchen or leaving my door open as often as possible so they know I'm here. I think my efforts have paid off somewhat since now Saman invites me and whomever I am with to party with him and his friends and now Elin stops by my room whenever she comes home to say hello and chat. Yesterday evening I was home alone for a while and Elin knocked on my door and wondered if I had been alone this whole time-- and I didn't know if anyone else was in (Per, the other Swedish guy who lives here, always keeps his door closed so I never know if he's here or not) and I said I wasn't sure, but I guessed so. So she said they'd (Elin, her friend, and her boyfriend, Alex) be home this evening and have a good night! Then later on that evening, Alex knocked on my door and said I would be welcome to join them in the kitchen and sit with them if I wanted, since I was alone here. That was definitely a CLICK moment for me :) There it was! I was making progress and now it's not so lonely-- not just because I've become good friends with the other exchange students, but also because now there is a sense of belonging in my corridor.

In terms of connections... that, I suppose is in reference to this whole experience.

I've learned the importance of being more open-- ridding myself as much as possible of old biases and trying not to be as judgmental as I have in the past. Those of you who know me well will already know I've said I won't be judgmental numerous times...that tends to not really work out until you really have to try not to judge people you're working with. If people feel like you're judging them all the time, it might make them work harder, but it might also make for an uncomfortable group dynamic.

Being able to relate to people is by far, the most important skill one could develop while studying abroad. This includes sharing experiences, laying yourself bare and not putting up walls where you might otherwise shield yourself away, and trying your best to understand another person's language and culture. I forget who it was I had this conversation with, but she was an exchange student as well, and she explained that trying to learn someone else's language was important because there are often feelings that can really only be expressed by that person in their native tongue even if they are fluent in English (as all the exchange students pretty much are). Also knowing that everyone I've been speaking to has such fluent English has put me to shame and made me rather resentful of the American early educational system.

An Estonian I met last night, Prete (I think that's how it's spelled), is not only a physics major who is within the top 5 or 10 students in math, chemistry, and physics in Estonia, but is also multilingual, speaking English well (I guess you would after learning it for 12 years), learned German for 10 or 11 years, and another language which I can't seem to recall right now. Doesn't that make you feel ashamed of what knowledge you lack?

All of this has stressed the importance of language learning and cultural understanding, so now I really want to continue learning Chinese (I can feel myself forgetting words and phrases already :( siiiigh) and begin learning French. I don't think I would need to be fluent, but to be able to understand the other person when they express a feeling in their native tongue. It is extremely frustrating to be unable to express something to the other party because of a language barrier.

It's been a really eye-opening experience and I'm having such an amazing time meeting people, and also working with them. On one hand people have been telling me it's like being on vacation here because they work so much less than we do in the U.S., but then if you think about it, it probably takes as much of a mental and emotional toll on you as being back at Cornell does. In the beginning there is homesickness, loneliness, and this feeling of loss-- where you wonder, why am I here and what am I supposed to be doing? But once classes get rolling and you meet all these amazing people, all these doubts vanish and you're left with the pure enjoyment of being with those who are eager to learn from you and be with you.

This is a different kind of pressure now, from the 21 credits I took last semseter. Now the pressure is on me doing well for myself and my teammate(s). Both courses I'm in now emphasize group work and project work, so the projects are there for our own benefit. Trying to do the best for yourself and your group, not necessarily for a grade, is an incredible pressure. I experienced it while working with Cornell AXP, so it's not a foreign feeling, but what is unfamiliar is working with people from such diverse backgrounds or a different age group. Both programs are masters level classes, so most people are quite a bit older than I am and from extremely different backgrounds. In my Sustainable Development project course, my partner is a girl from New Zealand who is my age and pursuing a law degree. In my Stakeholder Facilitation class my teammates are so varied I can't say I even know where everyone is from...One guy is from Australia and another is technically from Mali but is half German and went to Germany for his undergraduate program. The other two I don't know.

Suffice it to say I'm really happy about being able to study abroad and aim to make the most of it!